Hey readers! I wanted to write something on here, but I had no idea what to discuss about, so I decided to let my feelings talk. Lately, I had that mental breakdown, also known as existential crisis *thumbs up emoji*. It all started because of overthinking, the only think that kills me every time. I felt that I had to deal with too many obligations, something that got me completely lost in my own mind. Too much homework, few hours of sleep, f*cked up diet, messy room, new thoughts, new experiences. Everything was TOO much for me, even though it may not sounds that bad. Last weekend, I felt like I had nothing to smile for. Fortunately, it was a #SUGGSUNDAYSPECIAL and I couldn't be happier (see? bipolar disorder). As I open my pc and pressed the play button for the video to start, I fainted. When I came conscious again, I felt dizzy since Sunday night till Monday afternoon. Luckily, it was not something to worry about, as I realized that it all was kind of a "challenge" of life and it made me re-think for some issues.
Firstly, I understood that school is not going to confine my whole life. High school years may be the worst, but they're not going to last forever. I don't have to force myself into trying to give the 100% of my energy, so as to be the best student. I'll try in order to please myself, without destroying me physically and mentally. Secondly, I had "problems" with my crushes. There is a guy who I like for a couple months (or more) and what got me having a crush on him is the fact that he's good-looking. Actually, he is so hot, but okay, I'm not gonna discuss further about him, cause I'm over him! He may be handsome, but I have no clue about his character and attitude, so I realized that it's something that gives me nothing and destructs me from life's happiness. As you may noticed, I typed "crushES", right? Well,that's something that complicates my mind a lot. Do I like a guy? Do I have a crush on him? Do I love him? Do I admire him as a human being? Do I want him to be friends with me? I have no freaking idea. Ugh, school crushes are the worst (dooon't say I didn't say, I didn't warned you!).
What I hated during this breakdown, is that I hated myself. Nothing worst that I could do to me. I felt useless and lonely, I've been angry with myself, my mind was an endless maze that I couldn't get out of it. But, now, I feel stronger than before. That's why I considered this as a challenge. It may had to happen, because now I have a clearer mind and I can finally stop being afraid to show who I actually am. I am not going to push myself into being someone who I'm not. I will not do that mistake again, nor fake a smile and feelings. I will be more relaxed and I'll deal with any matter when it's seeking for a solution. I'll smile more. I'll express myself. If you ever feel like that, remember that your whole body is working endlessly to keep you alive. It loves you, it takes care of you, regardless who you are. Love youself, because it's only you who will stay until the end of your life. Even your shadow leaves you when you're in the dark. So, take care of yourself. BUT, never forget to love people around you. This, however, will happen when you start loving yourself more. Also, do not feel alone. Someone will always be eager to listen to you.
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